Ryoga's Confidence
by Kyuubi-sama
Summary: The thoughts of Ranma as he contemplates life. One shot?
1. Chapter 1

Ryoga's confidence

My whole life I grew up with people telling me it was bad and wrong. I had grownup believing in that. But now my views have changed. I can't see why people made such a big fuss over it anyways now. It wasn't like recovering from surgery, and it wasn't like it was excruciatingly painful. It didn't even make you feel miserable. I know there were other ways of doing it but I kind of had an interest in this method. Again, it didn't hurt. In fact it was kinda exhilarating.

I'm glad I picked a night when my roommate would be out all night with his girlfriend. It would have been so embarrassing to have my strong roommate runaround like a decapitated chicken at the sight of a little blood.

Of course, it will all be over soon, this comforting feeling of champagne bubbles floating up and down my body, the bleeding, the daily fights with Kuno, my good grades, my popularity, my winning streak in tennis, everything; and the truth is, I cant wait for everything to be over. The people around me won't have to worry anymore.

But it occurs to me as I lie here in this tub, there is one thing that I don't want to give up. Through my worsening vision I can see her. I speak her name, "Akane." I happily watch her as she franticly punches the phone and then cries into it. Her voice, even in it's panic, sound like the bells of heaven to me. She cries one last thing into the phone before slamming it down. She comes over to stand by my naked form, and as she gets closer I start to see the tracks her tears make as they slip down her porcelain face. A face that, when smiling would provide the world with an eternal light. But she wasn't smiling. Her face, if I could have seen it properly, would have brought the world down into the depths of Hell to remain there.

In truth, I hated making her cry, but soon, soon she wouldn't have to cry. It would all be over.

I can hear her cry my name over and over as she tries to stop the bleeding. Her touch. Oh God, her touch. It makes me feel as if we are the only two people in the world. Like nothing could ever be strong enough to penetrate our little bubble.

She asks me, she pleads with me to tell her, but I just shake my head and smile at her. She becomes more hysterical, but I just smile. Her face flickers in and out of focus now. I feel sorry for making her cry, but one day, she'll look back on this day and she'll laugh at how silly she had acted. Everyone will, I just know it. Besides she doesn't need me to be happy. She's happy with her family, happier than she ever was with me.

I admit I stalked her when I felt lonely, thinking that maybe she was having an affair. She never was. But I noticed, she always was happier with her friends and family than she was when she was around me. I felt that she was obliged to be with me, and that maybe I didn't give her enough free reign. I wanted her to be happy 100 percent of the time. I love her and I will always love her no matter what.

I couldn't say the same for Akane though. We had such a connection though. I could always tell what Akane was feeling. Right now I could tell she was happy that I did this.

I finally felt all those years of love that I had given her being returned to me. It's wonderful. Oh Akane. I love you so much. Even I can't contain all of my love for you.

You are my lighthouse that burns through the raging storm. Love, these moments are the best that I've ever lived. Better than our first kiss, better than the first time we had sex, better even, than when she agreed to be my wife.

Our wedding was only a month away. And I would have ripped out my own heart, fried it and hand fed it to her if she had asked. I invited the entirety of the world. I even asked Ryoga to be my best man. He had been reluctant but he couldn't say no.

Hey where did all of these men come from? Akane what are they doing here? Stop this! You're ruining everything! You're ruining our happiness. Let go of me you filthy pigs! Put me DOWN! RYOGA! What the hell are you doing here you dirty pig.

Damn it ! Ryoga don't you cry! You are stronger than that. You're tougher than I am, so SUCK IT UP! Damn… I can't think…. I can't feel…..Akane…. damn them….I want to be left alone……………Oh well. I'll be gone………………… before…………. we get to the………….. hospital………… anyway . I ……..love you ………………………….Akane.

AN:

Hello. That was interesting. This is Black Crystal Rose filling in for Kyubbi- sama. Kyubbi- sama managed to get himself into dire trouble so here he asked me to write and upload his chaps for him. TBT- I have no idea if this is supposed to be a one-shot or not, so I finished it so that it could be either.

Notes from Kyubbi-sama (note: these are pretty much word for word): PLEASE REVIEW. BESU (BLACK CRYSTAL ROSE )- CHAN NEEDS TO KNOW IF SHE MISSED ANYTHING

And

I'M SORRY FOR THE INCONVENINCE. Besu-chan will make sure to take care of my wonderful readers, else she'll have no help on _Wishful Dreaming _or _Enslaved Body, Enslaved Soul._


	2. Chapter 2

Ryoga's Confidence ch.2

AN: Hey everyone, I'm back! Sorry I've been gone for so long; as the previous chapter said I got into a little trouble. I cant give you the finer details, but I was looking up something I shouldn't have been when the principal _and_ the vice principal caught me. Mayhem ensues until finally, voila, here I am !

Besu- chan: Well it's about time.

Kyuubi-sama: Besu-chan?! How has my favorite person in the entire world been? Huh? (sweat drop)

Besu- chan: A word of warning "best buddy" of mine, you ever, _ever, _pull a stunt like that again, me and my claws of death will make sure that you never walk properly again.

Kyuubi-sama: Um… hehe… sweat drop

Besu- chan: (Smiles innocently and oh-so-sweetly)

Kyuubi-sama: (Looks away and scratches cheek)I, uh, have no idea what you are talking about.

Besu- chan: (gives a glare that would make any man piss his pants)

Kyuubi-sama: Okay, Geez. I promise.

Besu- chan: (stops glaring but still looks stern)

Kyuubi-sama: I promise I won't get caught next time.(censored for violence but screams of pain and anguish can be heard) Owww, whimper, my… kidneys.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma, so for every night that I don't own him I will cry.

He was in the hospital for three days before being released. I stayed by his side every minute of the day and night until then. Even afterwards I stuck by him. He didn't act any different and he didn't look any different; in fact it was almost as if the whole thing never happened to him. I wanted to act like it had never happened to him either.

But when I talk to him, I don't talk to him the way I used to. I'm careful about what I say, how I say it, what tone I use. It's like treading on thin ice and just below the surface is the icy abyss that will make you feel numb the rest of your life.

I discussed with family and friends and they agreed that the best course of action was to move in with him as soon as possible. It was easy enough to get the job done.

That night we rented a movie. I had lit some candles and brought wine as a sort of celebration for my moving in.

I knew we had classes in the morning, but sacrificing a day of education wouldn't have been in vain. The stage was set and the mood was right, now came the tricky part.

After popping the movie in I plopped onto the couch with my one and only, moving up next to him. He had already started eating the popcorn and it was disappearing by the handful. I tried to steal the bowl away before he ate it all, but, with an amused teasing smile, kept the bowl out of my reach. I argued with him about saving some for the movie but he ignored me and kept on stuffing popcorn into his face.

I was able to get some, but not before hearing a comment about not needing to add more baggage to those fat thighs. I smacked him upside the head for that before snuggling up with him, my way of

forgiving him.

The movie started playing, and I have to say, I _did not_ like the beginning. A man was standing on the balcony looking over the edge to the street below. He looked back at a woman (I assumed her to be his wife), when she called his name. He gave her a sad, apologetic, look for about six seconds. As I was about to question what the look was for, he turned back around and leaned over the edge and...

I gasped, my face flushed and my heart skipped a beat. No one told me about the beginning, and I started to get mad at those who praised it. But my body acted differently. My body started stuttering, and an icy wind of dark foreboding passed over me.

My body was able to calm down when I felt a squeeze on my left shoulder, reminding me he _was_ here.

It unnerved me. Completely. Death is an eternal, forever sort of thing, and it scares me. Even though I was too young to remember my mother, there is still an emotional scar that carries on in all who knew her as a wonderful woman. The one who carried the largest scar is Daddy. I didn't understand at first, after all, we all loved her. but now, here with Ranma, I think I finally do understand. I know I understand.

After 10 minutes or so, I poured some wine. I didn't plan on drinking too much tonight; it was a risk to even drink this particular wine, but it needed to be done.

"Popcorn and wine? What a weird mix."

"I hope you're not complaining dear."

"No. No I'm not." He graciously accepted the glass and pecked me on the forehead. The wine itself had a bittersweet taste to it, which is what I expected. Ranma usually doesn't drink so I had to make sure that his glass was full most of the time.

I snuggled into him vying for his warmth. The smell of his cologne filled my nose and sent me flooding memories of past nights out. The movie theatres, the restaurants, the amusement parks and finally, the bedroom. I thought to myself as I took another swig of this sweet elixir 'how could a man like Ranma, _my_ Ranma ever… ever….'

It was inconceivable. He was everything but cowardly. How could he do that to me?

A yell from the television yanked me from my musings. I decided to put all those thoughts into the back of my head as I snuggled closer to him, getting another good whiff of his musk. Oh God, what a man. Even when he just sits there he turns me on.

Then I noticed his glass was half empty. Taking the initiative I made sure to fill his glass again. he quickly thanked me and turned back to the movie, taking a nice long swig of the freshly poured liquid. Things were looking good so far; he seemed to be warming up to the intoxicating beverage. Elder Cologne will need a big thanks next time I see her, pending results.

Turning back to the movie, I sipped the wine in my cup in small slow portions the effects were starting to set in I thought as blood started to slowly creep upwards towards my face. I looked down at the glass, smiling to myself for no particular reason. I could think of only one other time that I felt like this…

"Hey what are ya thinkin' about?" I guess he had noticed me smiling.

"The first time I drank wine at the wedding."

I couldn't help myself but answer, I just felt so silly right now, just as I had then.

"Oh yeah I remember. You couldn't stop giggling after the first sip." It was true. After the toast to the bride and groom I had giggled at anything and everything. Wine just made me feel really silly. Everyone understood though, even after I had made a complete fool of myself.

But back to the point, it seemed as though the mood got a little bit lighter in the room; making it feel as though the room were bigger than it actually was. Ranma's aura seemed to have switched from protective to vibrant, and mine was right there with his. it was time to test to see if the wine had worked. The answer to this next question was crucial.

"Ranma? Do you think I'm cute?" Ranma looked down on me and I could feel the quizzical look on his face.

"Where did that come from?" I looked at him with the best puppy dog eyes I could muster.

"Do you think I'm cute?" I stared deep into those dark blue cesspools of beauty, trying to get a glimpse of his soul. Then he smiled at me catching me off guard and making my heart skip a beat.

His eyes were tender when he told me "Of course I do." My heart leaped into my throat to hear those beautiful words.

"Really?" I nearly breathed the words. He slowly wrapped his arms around me. I shifted my body so my front was facing more towards him, my eyes near leaving his gaze.

"Hai." He said simply, leaning slowly into my face and brushing my lips; I closed my eyes as I thought to myself 'Thank God'.

After that brief slice of heaven, I giggled as I fit my head onto his shoulder. For some reason I felt really exhausted and sleepy, but still alert. Wine will do that to you. My heart was going a mile an hour, 'it wasn't me,' I kept thinking to myself. My smile went from ear to ear, but that was only because that was as far as my smile would stretch.

The combination of the wine, the candles, and my fiancées scent started to get to me or rather, my head. It felt like someone was pounding on iron upstairs, but at the same time I was feeling a little risqué. With my mind at ease on the most sensitive subject in our relationship, I made my move.

First I drained the remanants of my wine glass before swiping Ranma's and finishing off his. I heard the little complaint as I moved onto him, giggling all the while. I was watching his face fluster as I started unbuttoning his top. I cooed in his ear to make him relax, which worked almost instantly. I found the nape of his neck and let my breath play across the surface before coming down on it. He pulled me back a bit, which startled me. I thought I had done something wrong.

He leveled a gaze at me, and, looking super serious, said, "there's been something that's been nagging me. Can I ask you somthin'?"

Feeling like a wise ass, I said, "Yeah, but you just did."

He just chuckled, realizing (I guessed) that neither of us would be acting the way we did without a little wine. "No," he said, his tone getting serious again. "No, um, well I- uh. Its just that, I was uh…" his voice trailed off.

I could feel him searching for words, looking to the side as though he might find them just sitting on a shelf or on the floor. And then his eyes rested on his arms. I could see a withering pain, seething, boiling, through those dark blue orbs, a pain that I could only half understand. What a dark world he must be in right now, constantly separated from the ones he loves.

His heart was bleeding. I could feel it. It was horrible. I shouldn't have been trying to figure out why he did what he did, but instead trying to figure out how to heal his broken heart. I was being selfish.

Hot tears fell onto his arm, the arm that was lying in my lap. Ranma now looked at me with concern, his pain seeming to instantly dissapate. "Akane?"

I gently lifted his left arm up to my face and cleaned the tears off only to have more tears hit his flesh. He reached out for my face with his other hand and ran his thumb across my cheek, wiping away the wet trail leading from my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. This confused him. "I'm so- so _sorry_. I- I was being selfish. I should have been protecting you." I looked again at his arms, at the marks that sent chills down my spine. There was no stopping the tears now; they would not stop no matter how much I willed them to. After that every fiber of my being started to overflow with emotion. I had never felt so much distress in my life.

I clung to Ranma for dear life, not wanting him to disappear from me ever again.

"Why Ranma? Why?" I yelled between sobs. I couldn't control myself up to this point. My body shook while my mind raced with questions. This couldn't possibly be happening, I didn't plan for this.

I think that Ranma was too shocked to really do anything but hold me. It was alright because I needed him. It was selfish of me to think that but it was true. I would never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to him.

After I settled down a little bit he started to rub small circles in on the small of my back, hoping, I assumed to calm me down some more.

Somehow it helped to soothe my nerves enough to open my ears to hear what he had to say.

But he didn't say anything. He just continued to me in his arms while I continued to silently sob over his shoulder. I had to get up. I couldn't sit here anymore. I was starting to feel uncomfortable here.

So I got up and walked to the bathroom. I needed to clean my face, clear my head, and get out of these clothes. Right now I felt dirty. And no matter how much scalding hot water and soap I used I still didn't feel clean.

I was so groggy that I had almost fallen asleep in the tub. Getting out of the tub I dried off, but didn't bother getting dressed. I didn't see a need since I was heading straight for bed. I was too tired to care much anymore.

Ranma was already in bed by the time I reached the room. before I knew it I was in bed with him, in his arms holding me close. Holding me so close that I could feel his heartbeat through the thin layer of his tank top. So close that I could hear the air as it entered and escaped with each breath he drew. It wasn't until I stopped focusing on these things and started focusing on sleep that I noticed his voice.

I was still dizzy from the wine and candles, so his voice came over as a sort of mumble, but as he spoke I started to process the words. They were only three words, but each one hit me as hard as the last one.

"I'm sorry Akane."

listening to him apologize was hard enough, watching him cry was just too much.

I lay in bed with Ranma, me in his arms and him in mine. It was my turn to comfort him, my turn to protect him the way that I needed to before. I cradled his head on my chest, and softly told him to let it all out.

I've dreamt of holding him like this, of protecting him with body and soul. He was so like a small child, and I, I as a mother figure protecting her offspring from all possible harm.

After at least 15 minutes, Ranma exhausted himself, and was soundly asleep. His even breaths told me that he would be fine until morning.

'We are going to be fine,' I thought to myself. 'No force in Heaven and Earth will ever take me away from you. I swear it.' I closed my eyes and drifted towards sleep.

Tomorrow was going to be a _long_ day.

A/N: Well here it is. With school, work and multiple different sht stains that I have to deal with in everyday life it's finally here. Don't let my work be in vain and not review, I need those things. They are my life's blood, my essence, and not to mention that they let me know if you are reading my story or not, and if I should bother writing any more fanfics. So until chapter 3 PEACE OUT!

Alternate A/N:

GOMEN NASAI Kyuubi and to the readers that have been so patient. I, Black Crystal Rose, take full blame for this chapter being so late. My pathetic excuse is that I hate my college schedule and clipping my horse for horse shows. I will try to type faster. Please don't kill me.


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